Oh, God What Have They Done to You, Emma Watson?

Oh, God, What Have They Done To You, Emma Watson?

A funny thing happened to me while perusing the pics from a recent photo-shoot Emma did for Burberry. Now these are nice pics, very clean, very bright and but with perhaps a little too much of Emma draped over her brother Alex, who looks too much like her for me not to be attracted to him, which is deeply confusing. Actually, why don’t we go through some of these pictures? YOU DONT HAVE A CHOICE IF YOU WANT TO SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING!

Look, this is just classic photo-shoot material. Emma Watson is somewhere classy, judging by the white walls and the inland artwork. Perhaps some sort of swanky country house, owned by Mr. Burberry. Or even Emma herself, since she is currently the highest earning female actor in the world. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to address that. And she has giant bags (wow, that was an unintentionally sexually crude phrase) So that makes her happy. And she is eye-banging the camera. I mean, wow, really going for it. I am more than a little turned on right now.

The white shirted brunette pretty boy is Emma’s kid brother Alex Watson. Emma and Alex are doing a pretty decent job of having eye-sex with the camera, but check out the dude behind Emma. At least, it’s either a dude, or a very man postured lesbian. He actually inside the camera right now, having nasty, dirty, filthy sex with it. It is his dominatrix and it is whipping him hard and burning him with cigarettes.

Also, not sure I’m a fan of the pale lilac coat with elbow pads. But as I have previously pointed out, I’m not a fashion designer.

Emma has yet another giant bag, and has managed to salvage a dress from the wrappings of an Egyptian mummy. No, that’s cruel. Some Asian kid probably slaved for days making that dress. What?  One  of Burberry’s chief designers is a young guy from Seoul! Did you go straight to sweat shop? You racist prick. Camera-Fucker is back, but he’s toned it down, just a teensy bit. Holy shit I want his jacket. That is a hella cool jacket. I would wear that jacket, flash a lanyard with my bus card in it, then walk into crime scenes, look at the body impaled on a fence post, say ‘looks like he got’ then put on sunglasses and say ‘the point,’ then run out before anyone arrested me, screaming YEAHHHHH as I hightailed it down the street. It would be awesome.

It pleases me to see the awkward arm wrap that Emma is attempting to pull off with that guy next to her. By the way, Emma Watson, it wouldn’t be a problem for you and me. We are almost the same height and I have very comfortable shoulders. Please touch me one day.

So, yeah this is a nice picture of Emma and her brother Alex. I like Emma’s jacket, Alex looks like he’s having fun, even if the white pants are OH SWEET JESUS WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH EMMA’S LEG?

Did you happen to catch that? Can you spot it? It’s pretty subtle, but if you look closely then you can see that Emma’s MOTHERFUCKING LEG IS MISSING! Good work, photo-shop department. Well done. I sincerely hope that 80 grand media degree gave you some sense of fulfilment because you fucking suck at your job. Look, I could understand a little mistake, like, I don’t know, smoothing out Megan Fox’s horrifying toe thumb, or making a models head wider than her body. But cutting off one of Emma Watson’s legs? How the fuck did that happen? Didn’t anyone pick this shit up? Why would you mess with her legs anyhow? They are such nice legs. So, soft, so smooth, so touchable and just altogether something wonderful. Something wonderful.

Wow. Ok, I’m back. In Conclusion-Emma and her brother; a little too close, Burberry or whichever magazine that ran this, photo-shop crew; utterly retarded.

Thank you.