Know Your Enemy

Know Your Enemy

So, fellow Emma lovers, and various others. We have a problem. I mean, we probably have quite a few problems. Our skin conditions. I can’t get my hair to go just so. Global Warming and/or some other disaster will probably mean that we are all forced to live in underground caves, rading rival colonies to survive. The fact that I can’t seem to get Dr. Pepper in Australia.

But, we have an Emma related problem. He is the enemy. He is the rock star. He is the Boyfriend.

He is George Craig.

Now, I recently noticed that Georgy Porgy Pudding Pie has appeared on this blog before. I mean, before I mentioned his pasty face in the last post. In fact, I mocked him, without knowing that he was The Enemy. How’s that for psychically knowing that someone was a dream girl stealing douche?

No wonder the other guy looks pissed. His buddy be all over a sexy woman and he get the wall. MY WOMAN, DAMMIT, you cockbag.

 

That’s right! G to the Eorge was the Camera Fucker from that post I did about Burberry and how they cut off one of Emma Watson’s legs in Photoshop. And he is The Enemy.  I mentioned that he looked kind of like a lesbian. He kinda reminds me of Ellen DeGeneres. Not that is necessarily a bad thing, because you could look like worse lesbians, but no man really wants to look like a lesbian. Although, he might be able to pull girls like Portia De Rossi and that would work out fine until she discovered that thing in your pants.

That could be you in the white jacket, Boy George Craig.

So, what do we know about The Enemy? Well, when we need to find out some information about someone, what do we do?  Kidnap their family and friends and use the mice, the string and the onions on them? Nah, that’s sick. I’ll stick to regular knife and hot coal torture thank you very much. No. They are hard to find, as they are in another country to me. We must resort to that bastion of wholly accurate information, the brain extension that is Wikipedia.

Wikipedia has provided me with precious little information. There are pages about minor video game characters that have more information. See, George Michael Craig, no one who molests people in public bathrooms deserves any of that. But still, Green Day is insisting that I get to know you.

So, My Enemy.  You are younger than me. Born in 1990. Hell, you’re even a couple of months younger than Emma. You see, Emma Watson? He is too immature for you. You should go with someone a little bit older and wiser, who really knows how to bust out jokes that revolve around genitalia. I’m talking about me, Emma Watson, not Dan O’Brien. Although it would be totally awesome if you dated him. That would meet my approval.

You are the lead singer and a guitarist for the Yorkshire band, One Night Only, My Enemy. They are not 100% awful. In fact, Emma Watson recently appeared in a video clip for them. Amazing. You are giving me more Emma than I would usually get, so that is not entirely a terrible thing.

I don’t really know what else to say about The Enemy. I will eventually do terrible things to his face, I assume. It seems inevitable.  We are like Jedi and Sith, doomed to forever oppose each other and battle until one is forever ground to dust.

And that’s the point I get out my dust buster.

I’ve got my eye on you, George Craig. So does Rage Against the Machine.

Also, what’s with the two first names? In the immortal words of Hit Girl, Whadda fuckin’ douche.

Campbell Out!

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